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Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary with Arun Ikc and A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny at London Canary Wharf
10 hrs · Edited · 
A MIDDLE CLASS FATHER
Today is my dad’s birthday! It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m missing being part of his birthday celebration and I just don’t understand why? But it suddenly felt like his birthday is now in my calendar of special days.
I felt sorry because I couldn’t be in Hyderabad to celebrate with him, so instead of calling him in the morning and wishing him on the phone and taking part in some small talk, I decided to write an article and dedicate it to him. And as all of you know, I’m not someone who writes sugar coated stuff on special occasions, dedicate a song, and shout out and say “HEY! YOU’RE THE BEST” So here we go……
Like they say: “Every boy wants to grow up & be a dad, totally unlike his own”. I guess that it is true in bits & pieces for mostly everyone.
Though we say that our dads are the best, we are always unhappy and unsatisfied when it comes to our definition of life. I'm no exception, even to this day I feel like he doesn’t totally understand me.
Over the 28 years, he’s made sure to always stay mad at me (clearly I’m not over it yet), we’ve had our good share of fights, arguments and pointless efforts of trying to convince each other, which by the way we know is never going to happen. And the funny part is that we religiously (every week or month) still choose to do all this drama when we clearly know that neither of us are ready to bend & mend ways for each other.
After all we are from a middle class family, and from what I understand, one of its primary law is:
For the parents - "one is no middle class if they are happy and content with their children's efforts”
For the children – “one is no middle class if they are satisfied with the resources and environment that their parents provide them with"
I'm no different, I'm a strict law abiding middle class son. I have shown my constant dissatisfaction since my childhood.
I was enrolled in a school where the teachers used to hit me with a cane & I used to skip/bunk classes to play video games without anyone's knowledge, and later on I was transferred to a sports school and where I wasn’t even given any pocket money to treat my friends at good restaurants even on my birthdays.
Later I moved to Hyderabad with him for my graduation, and there really was no big difference. Regardless of the fact that it was a big city, the exposure it gave. I was still treated in the same manner, I mean I kind of felt like the simple pleasures and the fun of childhood & teenage life were robbed from me for no fault of mine. I was the one who never had a cycle in all my childhood, never had a bike during my graduation days. And I was in a place where I felt like I was far away from what I wanted my life to be, just sitting under the tree imagining what it should be like & what I deserve, but all said & done, not knowing when that’d ever happen.
But luckily, all that changed for me, once in for all, I got campus recruited and I felt like I was given a hotline to my dreams. I started exploring life, and trying to experience all what I’ve missed in my life (well you can’t undo everything, I tried my best). I was in a place where I really never felt like I had to think twice to go out with my friends to the hangouts that they’d casually go to & to give them a treat at a fancy restaurant or throw a party. Well there’s so much that this job gave me – pride, privacy, financial independence….. Well the list just goes on & on.
But, most importantly, it helped me completely regain control of my life & made me walk along the path of my own commands. I could finally live my life on my own terms, without being held responsible to someone else for ‘this & that’. And I started to feel like, I’m on par with him.
By the way we are middle class and so how can we stop fighting and arguing at each other, that still goes on and on and on every subject. I'm tired and exhausted. I started to relate what I have and he does, he still goes on a five year old Honda Activa, never dines out neither takes us out for a dinner. Watching those blockbuster premier shows (the movies released nearly a year ago) on Maa TV whilst enjoying the biryani and chicken manchuria from Paradise with family is what he calls as the best dinner time. Otherwise, he’s always busy writing something or the other and after completing, he asks me to proof-read it for him. I don't see a point.
Right now, my life is much better than his. I mean look at all that he had to do:
1. He had to run around the streets of Vijayawada to find my whereabouts when he realized that I had been bunking school. Well it wasn’t to punish me but to make sure that I'm not in bad hands.
2. He had to work extra hours to afford the tuition fees of a niche sports school that he had sent me to. He had to commit himself to an impossible task of generating enough income, for afford the tuition fee worth ₹35000 per annum in 1999, where his monthly salary was hardly ₹3500.
3. He had to stay up all night & work at the office to that little extra money to buy me a shuttle racket for a national tournament, which was being conducted the very next day.
4. He had to sell his property (land) for my brother’s education.
5. He had to move to a bigger city (Hyderabad) with hardly ₹150 in his pocket, and search for a job at that age in an unknown place, so as to provide me with better education and opportunities.
And now, I'm with better facilities which I have worked for and provided myself, by putting myself & my needs/wants first in my priority list. But whereas in his case, he till date chooses to prioritize the needs of his family (myself, my brother & my mom) before his. And for him, our needs seem so high that he just can't see anything beyond us.
At the end of the day, he's a mere middle class father & works 24*7 and prioritizes the needs at that moment and caters to it. And no matter all said & done, he just can't fulfil or satisfy all of us.
I'm his blood and I guess that’s kind of a part of the DNA to not be content, and I realised I was more after his sweat all this while. To my desires I had no count how much he had bled in these years.
Because no matter what we do, we realize that even after giving our 100%, it’s just not enough. And when we understand that, we are filled with so much dissatisfaction, anger, unhappiness, angst etc. And it’s nice to be a part of a family where we are allowed to ease ourselves of the frustrations that we have by letting it out on each other. It feels good to know that no matter what, family will always be there for us, and that gives us the strength to fight, work harder & move forward.
And regardless of whether the decisions he made was right or wrong, he did the best he could beyond anyone's imagination , considering the resources that he had. And I’m blessed to be part of this family where each individual gives their 100% yet none are completely happy, the best part is it pushes us forward and makes us climb a step up in each dissatisfaction.
He took on the role of being the sole bread earner right from his 9th year, his roles included but were not limited to being a son, elder brother to three other siblings, later on he he became a husband and a father. In my 28 years, all I could see in him is a great son, loyal husband and a caring father. I failed to see HIM alone exist as self entity, he always co-exists.
He is a middle class father and stands on the pact that "Family is everything and what's left after that is for us", and the beauty of it is there's nothing left after giving to the family but the ageing body.
Well dad, I guess it's time to exchange shoes, let me and Arun step up and prioritise the needs/wants of the family before ours. Dad, come on now.. Go be a brat and live your life to the fullest where there's just you & your desires and most importantly start complaining.
You have done enough and it's high time that you put yourself first and you know what, it's okay to be a little selfish.
I promise I'm not going to have any such arguments ever on your definition of life.
Happy birthday Abba.
PS:
By the way why didn't you go to Taj Falaknama, despite all my efforts to make reservations for the family, how is it fun having dinner at the same old restaurants even on your birthday. Then how is it a special occasion, why can't you once understa............ (Well these fights go on & on ;P)
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  • Chakravarthy Sreenivasa డానీ గారు ఇంత కన్నా మంచి కానుక ఎవరు ఇవ్వగలరు సార్ మీకు. 
    ఇంత మంచి తండ్రి ఉన్నందుకు మీ కుమారులు మీ ఆశయాలను పునుకి పుచ్చుకున్న కుమారులు ఉన్నందుకు మీరు ధన్యులు . 
    మరో సారి జన్మదిన శుభాకాంక్షలు.
    10 hrs · Like
  • Felix Roma Well said bro .. U truly are a proud child of a proud father or vice versa !! Bring on the arguments as this is how u you guys can exchange your love for one another .. May he have a Fab .. Bday .. Cheers !!
    10 hrs · Unlike · 3
  • Basheerazam Shaik I am sure A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny sir edi chadivina taruvata puthrostaham tho pongi poiee untaruu....e article chadivina taruvata naku danny gari paina gauravam perigindi...
    9 hrs · Like
  • Rahul Penumatsa Chaaalaaaaa podugu undi. Kastam Anil. I tried!!!
    5 hrs · Like · 1
  • Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary Rahul Penumatsa You tried or you're tired?
    5 hrs · Like
  • Rahul Penumatsa Anil negative comments delete cestunnadu!!!
    4 hrs · Like · 2
  • Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary Ayya ledhu, something wrong , why would I , please go ahead,
    4 hrs · Like
  • Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary Technical problem andi Rahul Penumatsa Garu , personal problem kadu, by the way opinions theesukuntunnamu
    4 hrs · Like
  • Rahul Penumatsa Chaaaaa!!! Chaitanya Bharat Vinnara!!!
    4 hrs · Like · 2
  • Chaitanya Bharat Rahul Penumatsa extreme pressure from high command. don't have the authority to address issues that are threat to national (family) security. LOL
    4 hrs · Like · 2
  • A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary! రాత్రి నీ ప్లాన్ ప్రకారం జరగని మాట వాస్తవం. మీ అమ్మ యధాప్రకారం TAJ Phalaknuma Palace కూ రాను అంది. అయితేనేం, నేనూ, మీ అమ్మ, అరుణ్ రాత్రి బాగా ఎంజాయి చేశాం. నీ సూచన మేరకు అరుణ్ CHIVAS REGAL, KFC నుండి మూడు బకెట్లు ఆర్డరు చ...See More
    1 hr · Edited · Like
  • A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny Anil Aqthar Khan Chowdary! మిమ్మల్ని కన్నవాడ్ని గనుక మీ ఇద్దరి SWOT Report నాకు తెలుసు. మీ STRENGTHS మీద నాకు ఎప్పుడూ అపనమ్మకం లేదు. మీ WEAKNESSES మీద నేను అనుక్షణం అప్రమత్తంగా వుంటాను. ఆలాలేకపోతే నేను తండ్రినేకాను. తండ్రులు అప్రమత్తంగా వుండడం పిల్లలకు ఎప్పుడూ ఇబ్బందిగానే వుంటుంది. నువ్వు రాసిన A MIDDLE CLASS FATHER లో ఒక ఇన్ పుట్ నేను ఇవ్వాల్సివుంది. మీ నాన్న A MIDDLE CLASS FATHER. కానీ మా నాన్న ఒక సాధారణ సైకిల్ మెకానిక్.
    1 hr · Like · 5
  • Prasu Raya ippudu pillalu evvaru thalli thandrulatho undatledhu .valla jivanopadhi kosam ekkadikekkadiko vellipovalsi vasthundhi. entha dhuramellina rojuuu oka 10 mins vallatho ph lo anna matladithe thalli thandrulu chala happy ga relief ga feel avtharu.manam pakkana lemane vishayam nundi kontha ina urata pondhutharu
    1 hr · Unlike · 1
  • Prasu Raya thandri kotiswarudina middle class ina cycle mechanic ina thana pillalu matram chala unnatham ga undalani thapichi sramisthadu and sadhisthadu.ade mari thandri manasante
    1 hr · Unlike · 1
  • Vanaja Cee Read every word and could go beyond them and become little emotional too. Well written Anil. Happy birthday Danny
    1 hr · Unlike · 2
  • N Venugopal Rao Having known Arun and Anil from their birth till now, I felt proud of Anil for pouring out all that in a frank and yet lovely way. Great Anil, keep it up. Danny, Happy Birth Day...
    4 mins · Unlike · 2
  • A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny Vanaja Cee! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
    2 mins · Like · 1
  • A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny N Venugopal Rao ! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
    2 mins · Like · 1
  • Mohan Ra Agree with Vanaja Cee... also having seen you all over the years, all I can say is you are all awesome in your own ways!
    2 mins · Unlike · 2
  • A.m. Khan Yazdani Danny Mohan Ra! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
    1 min · Like

  • Mohan Ra As father of two young sons, for 
    me there's a lot to learn from this post. Thanks a lot!
    48 mins · Unlike · 1